Hurt and Healing Part 4

It seems from the Psalms that questioning God's purpose for our pain is okay, as long as the process does not involve questioning God's ultimate sovereignty in our lives. God freed me recently from the idea that I had to always "be okay." People asked me hourly in those first three weeks or so after my most recent heartbreak, "how are you?" My impulse, "Good Christian" answer was always, "fine!" In reality, my heart was shattered, I was questioning everything, and it felt as though my world were imploding and I was helpless to do a single thing to stop it. About mid-way through the second week, God showed me that it is okay to NOT be okay.

The current trend in Christianity is to put on the mask of attitudinal happiness to cover the spirit of depression. We smile and nod in church despite the divorce, miscarriage, break-up, spousal abuse, depression, bitterness, family conflict, and self-mutilation we experience on a daily basis. We have this farce of Christianity in which no matter the reality, in our little "religious world," everything is happy, healthy, and under control. In contrast, the scriptural truth is that God gives us a "garment of praise instead of a faint spirit" (Isaiah 61:3). It is the choice of praise that changes our spirits from faint to fearless. The Father did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control, a spirit of adoption as sons. This is what allows us to cry, Abba, Father (1 Tim 1:7, Rom 8:15). These masks of a good attitude do not change what lies beneath...the pain, anger, hurt, bitterness, rejection of the forgiveness of Christ (for how can we accept forgiveness if we do not forgive?) that molds our hearts into hard shells of what God meant for us to be. He wanted us to be broken, not brittle. He intended us to be transparent with one another, not guarded and false to our fellow believers.

One thing He has taught me...drop the mask. Stop acting as though all is fine when you're going through a trial, or testing of your faith. Yes, we are to count it all joy when we fall into diverse temptations (James 1). But JOY and HAPPINESS are two very different animals. Joy is the result of trusting entirely on Christ's sovereignty and goodness in your life, no matter your emotional state, because ultimately He is all that is worth relying upon anyway. Happiness IS an emotional state, just like anger, sadness, disappointment, hurt, fear. These emotions seem to be taboo to believers today, but I'm not sure where that came from. In the life of Christ, I see these emotions. He was angry with the money changers and the Pharisees. He was sad and disappointed when His disciples failed Him or people chose to reject Him. He was hurt and afraid when He begged the Father to let the cup of His sacrificial death pass from Him. Yet He was sinless. He suffered as we do...but sinned not.

There must be a way for us to be the emotional human creatures that God created us to be. There must be a purpose for that facet of our humanity. If Christ experienced all these things, shouldn't we? I say yes. So look at Christ's response to suffering. His reaction to emotion was not to ignore or refuse it. His reaction was to teach and learn through it. He demonstrated his disappointment to the disciples when they fell asleep on Him in order to show them a better way. He surrendered to the Father's will after His earnest pleas for another plan. He whole-heartedly, unashamedly wanted the Father's will on earth. He always submitted to the plan for His life. No matter the suffering. No matter the rejection, the inequality, the persecution, the lack, the hunger, the ridicule. He was always joyful in His life...and death. Yes, He agonized for the physical pain on the cross. But in His final breath, He committed His Spirit into the Father's hands...because He knew that the Father was worthy of the obedience. That the love was worthy of the sacrifice.

So feel. Stop faking happiness and feel the reality of what God is doing in your life at the moment. Take off the mask. If you're hurting...tell someone. If you feel like crying...cry. If you're angry...give that person over to God and forgive their trespass against you. If you're afraid, acknowledge and confess the fear...and then give it and your will to God. Constantly pray "not my will but Thine" just as Christ Himself did in the Garden of Gethsemane. Show the Father that no matter what He requires of you or how much GENUINE PAIN He puts you through, you know that His plan, His GLORY, is worth it. That you are surrendered to His will. Honesty in Pain...Surrender in Joy.

Hurt and Healing Part 3

We left our study with the question, "What is the Godly reaction to suffering?"

For the answer to this question, I turned to the Psalms. King David was a deeply emotional man, as evidenced in his Psalms. The songs written after he confessed his sin with Bathsheeba are beautifully crafted, starkly honest declarations of his depravity and God's grace. The Psalms are full of honest, broken-hearted, depressed, pain-laden crying out to God. Passages like Psalm 6:2-4, "Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" and Psalm 55:4-8, 23, "My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, "Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and stay in the desert. I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." But you, O God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption; bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days. But as for me, I trust in you" show deep emotional disturbance. This is not a "sunshine and puppy dogs" attitude toward the Christian life. This is gut-wrenching honesty. One of my favorites, Psalm 31:9-16, describes my personal experiences in the physical results of sheer anguish. "Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak."

Is the author of these Psalms doing the modern Christian "chin up old fellow, it'll all work out and be fabulous in the end" routine? Is he putting on the "church mask" where all is peaches and cream, just fine? No fighting, no anger, no frustration, no hurt? No! He is crying out, as a child does to his Father, telling Him how painful this existence can be. He is being HONEST with the God who knows and sees. He is demonstrating the simple truth that an omniscient God already KNOWS what you feel, think, experience. Lying to Him is only lying to yourself. Unless you admit and acknowledge the pain, you cannot begin to understand its purpose. Please do not fool yourself. Because you are certainly not fooling your Creator.

I prayed about sharing this publicly. However, after looking at the Psalms and David's transparency, I cannot hide behind glass walls. So here are some bits of honesty with God. Please understand that none of this was written with anyone else in mind. They are just honest cries to God, as I journaled during the first few weeks of pain. I definitely suggest journaling prayers. It has been priceless for me to go back and read over my early writing, and to see how quickly God answered those prayers, revealing Himself quickly in those weeks. I am trusting that He is requiring me to expose myself for a reason, and pray that He uses my words to touch someone's broken heart.

"I wish I just knew what You were doing. I wish there was a road map right here in front of me letting me know where You were taking me next. But I know You don't work like that. So I'll keep doing what You've given me to do until You give me something else. I'm so tired, God. My heart feels torn up and bruised, my emotions confused. My mind knows it's gone, but my crazy heart randomly remembers things...I feel like a child...as if I could just run away and forget the heartache. But it doesn't work like that. It's not enough."

"I want the pain to ease, even a little...I'm afraid of depression, and I feel it snapping at my heels like a rabid wolf. I try to just shut off emotion to kill the pain, but then I can't feels you, and can't serve you. So I ache. And sometimes I scream inside...I need you to comfort my pain, to hold me in your arms like a child and stroke the hurt away. But I know you have a purpose, even in this...But I think I know that you won't take this pain away, not yet. You're teaching me something important, something vital. Please, Lord, speed my comprehension! The pain is vicious."

"Rejoice always, even when life shoots you in the chest in the name of ministry? Even when everything crumbles? Ok. I will choose to rejoice, because any other option is unthinkable. You are all I have to hold onto. Maybe that's the reason for this. Maybe understanding that you are sufficient. Father, I begged you not to test me. But now that you choose to, I pray for the strength to remain true. I love you, Lord. Let that be enough."

"The cost of growing closer to you is very dear. You are worth so much more, but my weak humanity cries out at the pain of the sacrifice. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."

"You have given me new life, Lord. You have given me a bright morning for the pain of night. You give me a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. You have saved all my tears and now they sit sparkling in a jar, a testament to your love and overwhelming grace. How great are you and greatly to be praised!"

"Will you really ask me to put my heart on the line again? Lord, the very thought makes me want to throw up. I can say it's too painful...I've been hurt enough...I just want to be safe. But then I look at your example. You reach out, millions of times a day and over and over again, get rejected. You repeatedly are betrayed by those you should be worship

ed by. Yet you never choose to hide. You never say, "it's too much pain."

"I love you, Lord. I praise you for the storm, not simply in the storm. You are my hiding place, and my heart is healed."

Well I believe that's enough honesty. I'll continue the study of Scripture later. For now, I need rest.

Hurt and Healing Part 2

We have established certain truths. God is good. He is love. He is unchanging. He is omniscient and omnipotent. Those things in mind, let's dive deeper into this vital issue of hurt and healing in the life of a Christian.

To clarify, these principles will only fully apply to someone who has truly given Christ Lordship of their life and who has the Holy Spirit indwelling them. If that does not describe you, then please, please message me and I would be happy to have a discussion with you about what the Bible says about personal salvation.

So what does Scripture say about suffering as a believer? Are we promised lives of health, wealth, and happiness? Are we supposed to suffer in silence or is it appropriate to question God's purposes? Does being "content" mean just taking whatever is handed to us without complaint? Does God care about our feelings or just our reactions? What is the purpose of suffering, pain, hurt, brokenness, trials, etc.?

These are all questions I have struggled with, stewed over, contemplated this past month. So what are the Biblical answers? It is my desire to find answers in Scripture, not from others. I am tired of people's opinions, since the only One who matters is Christ. So everything that I offer I hope will be backed by Scripture.

So do believers suffer? According to what I see throughout Scripture, there can be no question about whether we're supposed to suffer. We are supposed to "share in [Christ's] sufferings" (Romans 8:17), "have trouble" (John 16:33), and "delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties" (2 Corinthians 12:10). We are also supposed to not be "surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed" (1 Peter 4:12-13). We are obviously supposed to share in the sufferings of Christ.

For John, this meant being boiled alive in oil, then sent to solitary life on the Isle of Patmos, where God revealed the book of Revelation to him. For Peter, this meant being arrested repeatedly, imprisoned and released supernaturally, and finally crucified upside down by Rome. For Paul, it meant living with a "thorn in the flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), being arrested multiple times, shipwrecked and snakebit, imprisoned for an extended period of time in a "house arrest" situation, and ultimately beheaded in Rome at the order of Nero. Obviously, trials and pain were an everyday part of the early believer's life. Separation from family and friends at the very least. Economic ruin, social outcast, or even loss of life were just as common. During the reign of Emperor Nero, the "Followers of the Way" were blamed for the burning of Rome, and were crucified, burned alive, and fed to lions daily. Early believers called themselves "Followers of the Way" and were only called Christians in the New Testament by their enemies, except in 1 Peter. They were set apart to follow literally in the footsteps of Christ (the Way, Truth, and Life) including death.

Ok, so suffering is par for the course for believers. "I can accept that," you say, "but how am I supposed to react to it? Am I allowed to question God?" Please stay tuned for Part 3 - The reaction to the inevitable suffering.